11. If Surrender is Good, Why is it Unpleasant?

Dear Frazer,

I prefer to walk alone – a fact that I believe you know. Know thySelf! When another person is with me my attention divides and therefore my energy is divided – upon the subjects of my attention and also what their attention is upon. The more people that there are – and don’t get me wrong this is a great thing in most situations – the more my focus hones into them and the situation. This is why I excel at certain forms of leading and not others. I get put into the wrong place sometimes because of common assumptions, but I am learning to position myself for greatness according to who I am.

That peculiar focus of mine is also why, since my spiritual journey is my highest priority, I prefer to be alone for long swatches of time.

As I was in Blendon Woods today. It was all about trust. As though the reason behind my precarious past at its core is about trust – that God loves me and cares for me and will do more that I ask or imagine.

Which dovetails with the video you sent me on surrender and your question as to why surrender feels unpleasant.

May I postulate that it is indicative of feelings and beliefs that you have towards God, that are dissonantly interfering with your ability to harmonize as a creator in life?

Trust, I believe, is the opposite of fear. Fear engenders control and more fear. I see now that it is through my fear that I try and control life, which breeds more fear and need for more feelings of being in control.

If “surrender” or “letting go” or “burning off” all equate a statement that, “I trust God,” no matter what form of deity you see him as, then your experience will align with your belief system, within which are also all of the unpleasant emotions that are associated with the memories of events that made the belief system necessary in the first place.

All for now, my friend.

The Pilgrim

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