5. The One who wants your heart

Monday, 17 June 2019

Dear Frazer,

A father, or pater transliterated from the Greek, is the source from which you came. Given the right to be a child of God means that your source of identity, life, power, and way transferred from an earthly one to the heavenly one. You are absolutely not the same person that you were before that right was given. In fact, you are something other than human in the normal way that it is understood, something of heaven now but remaining upon the earth, a new creature.

One difficulty in establishing this relationship between heavenly Father and son or daughter is trust. I find this to be most difficult. I’ve not found one earthly person who is trustworthy, and this has damaged my ability to believe that God is trustworthy, whereas man is not.

To be intellectual about it is easy: of course God is trustworthy 100% because He is perfect and is love. I’ve tried to live on those intellectual assumptions and they simply don’t work. I may think it and act accordingly, but it doesn’t mean that I believe it. What is in the core of my being is more important than what is at the forefront of my mind. The mind may guide, but it is the heart that ultimately rules.

Twice I was approached in visions. The first was in Cambodia. I sat upon the tile floor at home. I was praying, not realizing at the time how full of anger I was – I thought it a normal state of being. I’d been angry my whole life. Being in Cambodia and working with Christians of varying religious backgrounds incited a slow, intense burn in me that contributed to my later downfall.

I poured my heart out to God. Suddenly, His hands were there before me. They were quite large and were cupped together with the palms up. I heard Him say, “Give Me your heart.” Then, I saw it in His palms, it was all broken, bruised, and bloody. I believe that He was making me conscious of His awareness of my inner state.

Years later, still in Cambodia but in a different home, another vision came. As happened often at the time, I awoke in the night hearing people walking in the living room. It was an old house from the French colony days and had hand-made floor tiles – most of which were loose and made clacking noises. Normally I’d get up to see what was happening and no one was ever there. On that particular evening, the “click-clack” sound of people walking in my living room was accompanied by an overwhelming feeling of terror along with a blanket of darkness that surrounded me to my left and to my right, filling the bedroom.

I decided that rather than getting up to assure myself that no one was there, I decide to trust God and cling to Him. I resolved to remain in bed and cling to God until He did something to fix the problem. I lay there for four hours – terrified, with darkness to my left and right, while the noises came from outside my door.

Suddenly, a corridor of light opened before me and I entered it. It led to a room entirely of light. I do not know how large it was as there was no reference points to perceive depth. It may very well have been infinite. Before me stood Jesus as he was in Revelation 1: very tall, wearing white robes with a golden sash, and his eyes were ablaze with an unearthly passion.

He held his hands out to me and said, “Give me your heart.”
I did and was suddenly flooded with an unspeakable joy and peace. It filled the very fabric of my being and no corner of my soul was left untouched. Then, just as suddenly as I was swept into the place of light I was ushered back to my body in my bedroom. There was darkness all around me to my left and right, the same terror was upon me, and the noises still came from outside my door.

But the peace and joy remained. I clung the rest of the night to Him in that state. When dawn arrived, I slumbered, and after one hour I awoke feeling as though I had hibernated for two whole weeks. The peace and joy stayed with me for two more weeks.

What I feel from the episodes is this: that the world we live in is one of darkness that we bring light to. Our heavenly Father is our source of peace and joy – which is our birthright, or re-birthright in the kingdom of God. Accessing it is up to us. We are the ones who must orient ourselves to Him, as He is ever fixing His eyes upon us and looks for the heart that is truly His.

Perhaps, my friend, He is looking upon you in this moment and is softly whispering to the Frazer that is still the child of your soul, “Give me your heart.”

If that is so, and I sense that it is, heed the voice.

All for now, brother. Until next time I remain yours very sincerely,


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